


Brainbox

by OrangeHobbit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Merle tries to be a good friend (emphasis on tried), Merle-centric, Post-The Eleventh Hour, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rated teen for language, everybody is good friends!, idk really, ish, or is it? it's just me projecting brainfuzzies onto merle, pre-stolen century, sorta vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeHobbit/pseuds/OrangeHobbit
Summary: Merle doesn't remember most of what the temporal challice and Ren shows him, but that isn't the voidfish's fault.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd, so apologies if there is any mistakes! and yeah, it's a vent fic. Title taken from a Hilltop Hoods song of the same name.

The Temporal Chalice was a challenge for Merle, in more ways than one. Not being able to remember most of what the Chalice showed him, for a start.

 

Merle didn't remember much about his life with Hecuba. He remembered that they were married, yes and that they had children, yes and  what the house and furniture looked like and felt, but he didn't remember much about Hecuba at all. Not remembering much about his life with Hecuba wasn't like the voidfish's static, however.  it just wasn't there. At all. Like a block of clear glass that you can't see through, and your mind helpfully thought about something else. The whole sensation is comparable to wishing yourself to go to sleep and staying up even later. 

 

Merle can remember some things; the little things. Like how easy the easy chair right near the fire next to the window overlooking the best damn view of the beach was, and how sometimes he would take mookie and Mavis to Pan Camp and the local Pan chapter's services, and how cigars and sand and seawater felt on his throat and toes on a lonely but lovely afternoon, how cute little Mavis's laugh was on a summer afternoon. Most irritatingly, he doesn't remember the important (to other people) things. 

 

He doesn't remember most of what happened after his wedding. He doesn't remember what he did for their first anniversary, or the 100 others he did before he left.  he doesn't remember who married into the rockseeker and highcurch clans all those summers ago, he doesn't remember general life from 'way back when'. He just  _ can't.  _

 

It was strange, seeing what the temporal chalice showed him. It didn't him his missing chunk, his life with Hecuba, or the static. Just the thing that he remembers clearly that still  _ stung _ . 

 

He can still remember the important things, he supposes. Like almost all the 22 verses and poems of Pan. And what Pan does to his most devoted (not that Merle would care). How Mookie and Mavis both don't like eel and coriander (together, but apart it's fine. It's an acquired taste). He can remember the first time he fished for clams with his old man (Pan bless his soul) before he kicked the bucket. 

 

A younger, less handsome Merle in a NULL suit is shown. He is standing in Lucas's lab. The holy voice of Pan fills the room: "You have to grab the crystal!" His hand is burning, in pain. Magnus chops it off. Even with the soulwood, he can feel his arm crystallising. 

 

He remembers becoming a man of the Pan. There was a ceremony, and a feast for all the new pannite clerics, in the commune of the Pan camp. Flower Crowns and garlands are everywhere. Someone pulls out some Pan pipes, and everyone dances. All is merry. 

 

What bothers Merle the most is that even after the Chalice, he doesn't remember most. It's either static from the voidfish, or the same void of black, see through glass that he can't dwell on. He just can't. It may or may not have kept him up at night. Especially the bits of memory that are in his mid for a split second, then fade. 

 

He repeats his past actions to remember the rest of the memory. It's helped people remember their keys and their devotion to their god/s, so it can't be a bad thing, right?It can be a bad thing, repeating the same few actions over and over again. Tiring too. When it happens, he has help from his brothers. 

 

If taako is awake, he braids his hair or puts a sleep spell on him just to let him sleep. Magnus makes him warm milk. It's an old family recipe that Magnus really only learnt recently, and he says with a tired smile: "it helped me a lot, so it will help you, Merle. Drink." Then saunters off back to his room. Eventually, he does too. Angus (the little shit) reads his Caleb Cleveland books till his mind stops working out the memory. It helps, and he is grateful. Sometimes Pan helps, but that's more rare than a bluebird in a hot desert!

 

In return, his grumpy-old-dwarf-man facade comes apart a little. It's a slow process, but it shines through on the best of times and he can't help think about how much he is lucky to have these jokers by his side sometimes. 

 

He starts making little wood trinkets for Magnus, out of little prices of previously dead bark he finds topside. Collecting, then using his clerical powers, then finally delivering to Mango Banango. 

 

For Taako he tried to teach him how to make his Family's famous clam chowder. Emphasis on tried. Kid wasn't too keen on even going in the kitchen. Almost actually burnt a spell slot on him. Well then. Instead, Merle made some for taako. It wasn’t the best way to make it (too many substitutes for  _ real, fresh _ ingredients spoils it) but it tasted alright.

 

For angus? Hell, it was even harder than Tres Honry Boys. Little shit was hardly ever where you wanted him to be, and when he was he didn’t leave. If you didn’t find him, he somehow (by Pan’s mossy asscheek) found you instead. He does Pan a little favour as well, and starts (rather begrudgingly) teaching him the ways of the pipes and pinecones. Like he would’ve done to Mookie and Mavis, if he was still there on the beac- Merle stops that thought right in it’s tracks. Nope, not gonna. 

  
He teaches Ango about Pan, and when he is old enough he reads from his Xtreme Teen Bible. It’s more than enough he thinks, to pass the good word onto the youngins as he grows older. Pan would probably like the rather inquisitive new follower, he thinks, and that’s more than enough to give ‘em.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a good memory, LOL. It was sorta described at the start. I hope the end was sweet enough? I'm not good @ tags. Give me a shot at my TAZ tumblr if anything is wrong/if you liked it. 
> 
> @bureaubracer


End file.
